kellyoxford
100% of Guy Fieri fans drive drunk.

hipstermermaid
I'm thankful to live in a time where I can use social media without having to use social skills.

Burgee66
I just watched a boring documentary on how to build a time machine. That's an hour of my life I'll probably get back.

SeanBlazed
Can't remember the last time I said Happy Birthday using my actual voice.

Thedudish
My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."

shariv67
Nutella is made with hazelnuts, milk, real cocoa and pure evil.